Evening Audition Reflections

 Good evening! Coming on here to reflect after my first "in person" audition since 2020! 

Today I attended an open audition for a pantomime ensemble role, and given that since early 2020 all my auditions have been over zoom or via self tape, I was nervous! I think a comparison of zoom and in person auditions is something I'll delve deeper into in a further blog post. For tonight I just want to reflect/brain dump.

So, like I said, I was nervous. Self-doubt and insecurity is something we all struggle with, and when those feelings creep in, it's easy for me to go back to familiar thought patterns; "everyone will be more (blank) than me!", stressing about being out of shape, older, less flexible, the list goes on. However, in recent months I've incorporated meditation into my daily routine. This I have combined with journaling both morning and night, and I have seen a huge shift in my mentality day to day. So I strived today to approach this audition with my head and heart in the right place.

First I want to rewind a bit, and briefly remember how I was approaching auditions the last time they were in person. To sum it up, I went in with a very guarded, competitive and in some ways negative headspace. I was auditioning for jobs I actually had no desire to do or be in. Despite some success, over time, I went in expecting to be cut, thinking this mentality made me tough and "realistic". On reflection I think this mentality only served to set me up to fail. 

And why do I think this?... Because I was treating auditions with a very black and white approach; you either get to the end and get a job, or it was a big waste of time and money. But there's a grey area, always. So I didn't make it past the first round? Maybe instead of going straight for some food and heading home, I could take a few minutes to reflect; what did I gain from todays audition? What lessons am I grateful for from it? What could I do differently next time? Instead I was in a wash, rinse, repeat cycle from audition to audition.

Now I haven't been able to reflect on an audition in a while, but that's given me plenty of time to just reflect on myself. And I've learnt a lot! So today I approached this audition differently.

Firstly I was grateful. Grateful I still had my healthy body, that can move, jump, walk, run and dance. I was grateful I was in a real life setting, and my Wi-Fi wasn't going to cut out just as we went over some complex footwork :D I was grateful my housemates no longer were downstairs hearing me stomp about!! I was grateful to be around others, who have probably faced many similar struggles over the last year or so too, who ultimately just want the same thing as me. Mostly I was grateful for another opportunity to push myself, learn and grow. So that in itself was a much better start, and a much better headspace to begin with.

Secondly, I treated my body with more love and care. I fuelled it properly beforehand, not with sugary energy drinks and caffeine this time, but good whole foods! I gave myself ample time to arrive and dedicated myself to actually warming up, not just whacking a leg and hoping for the best.

By the time we got to learning and performing the choreography, I was of course still nervous, but I was also so happy to just be dancing! I left smiling, knowing whatever the result, I'd benefitted either way. Then I stopped at a coffee shop, put my phone away and reflected on the day.

So!

1. What did I gain from todays audition?

- I felt more than anything that I regained my confidence. Auditions can be scary when it's been a while, but once you're in it, it all falls right back into place. I regained trust in my bodies ability to do what I want it to. I learnt from a new choreographer, danced to music I've never danced to before, danced with people I've never danced with before.

2. What lessons am I grateful for?

- Breathe! When the choreo isn't sticking, don't panic, breathe, you will get it! When you're out of energy and you have to run the choreo again, breathe! When you're performing in smaller groups, breathe, hear the music and enjoy showing what you've got to offer

- Fuelling your body properly before and after stops that post audition flop

- Take your time arriving and leaving, be more tortoise! Not everything has to be hustle and bustle

- Don't compare... comparison is the thief of joy! Especially don't compare when you've just registered and can see someone stretching to lengths you can only dream of :D we all have our own strengths 

3. What can I do differently next time?

- Remember light and shade! It's easy to feel like it all has to be performed at max, 100%! But find times to add dynamics

- Sit back on the counts, don't let nerves make you rush

- Ask questions! Try not to clam up when the choreographer asks if anyone has a question if you have a question! :D

- Warm up my feet more beforehand next time, could feel a niggle of an old foot injury at times throughout todays audition! They work hard so don't neglect them!

- Also don't neglect my less flexy leg, my left! In general as well as when warming up before an audition. I really felt that first kick on the left leg!

So here's to the next one!